Perpetual Plan B

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

New Jeans and my Mild Case of OCD

Last week was very exciting. I got a new pair of jeans. This is worth writing about because they are not just any old jeans. They are CUTE jeans. They have flaps on the pockets, which I happen to like and they are long enough to wear with my furry boots that I've worn practically every day since the snow started to fly. (Ok, so most jeans are long enough, since I'm short. But they are also bootcut so they actually fit comfortably over my boots.) Another great feature about these jeans are that the pockets are big enough. I don't know why people who make jeans put little pockets on the back sometimes. Don't they know that if the pockets are little, it makes your behind look big. This is just common sense, isn't it?

Anyway, back to my jeans. They were cheap too. Just $15.97 at Sam's Club. Yay, I like getting something good for a good price, especially these days. And the timing was good. This fall I've gotten holes in the knees of all my good jeans. I only have two pairs of jeans left and one of them is a pair of "mom" jeans that I vaguely remember buying last year. (I always tell the girls, "Don't buy things you won't wear." Why didn't anyone say that to me?) Oh yes, one more great thing about these jeans. They aren't too low at the top. They are a little higher so you don't get the dreaded "muffin top". So far so good. I just need to take them in a little at the waist like I always do. I'm not a big fan of belts, especially since I accidently learned that my husband wears the same size belt as I do. (Ok, so he wears it on the loosest hole and I wear it on the tightest. That's still the same belt in my book.)

I would post a picture of me wearing these magical jeans, but that seems a little weird. I guess I could post them just sitting on my bed but that seems weird too. So you'll just have to use your imagination. I know, I'll post a picture of my furry boots. That ought to help a little.

So, you might ask, is there a downside to these jeans? Yes, unfortunately there is.

I washed my new favorite jeans, because that's what I do. I wash things before I wear them. It drives my mom nuts but I do it anyway. Because I'm a grown-up now with my own washing machine and everything.

I washed them and put them on the next day and then I thought, "WHAT?" They seemed a little tighter on one side than the other. Now that is not ok with me. That's a sensation I cannot get used to, no matter how much I love these jeans. It reminds me of the time I had skin cancer (I had a mole with melanoma) back in 1998 and they cut a huge chunk out of one side of my back. (I told you I've had some freaky things happen in my life.) The final biopsy literally involved them taking a 3" x 7" chunk of flesh out of one side of my back. I felt vulnerable and wounded but do you know what the worst part was? (Unless you've had this happen, I bet you don't know the worst part.) The worst thing is that it makes you feel like one side of your behind is a lot higher up than the other side. Like you've had it surgically lifted. I felt like asking the dermatologist if he could take another chunk off the other side to make it even. He did tell me that eventually it would even out.

And do you know what? He was right. Since the other side probably didn't magically lift itself up, I can only guess that the side with the scar eventually just fell back to where it started. Or it all just magically equalized. That's what I like to tell myself.

So back to my jeans, I kept them on and magically during the day they did start to feel better.

And then I looked at the bottoms of them in the back.

I noticed that on one side they dragged on the ground, but not on the other side. AHHHH. I really can't handle things being uneven. I really don't think I'm officially OCD or anything like that. I just really like things to be the same. (Ok, so I really hate it when people leave random numbers on the microwave when they are done cooking something and I can't set the thermostat in my car to an odd number, but I think that's a whole other issue altogether.)

So then I came up with a brilliant plan. I turned up the very hem on the longer side. It looks like it could have happened naturally. I'm proud of the fact that I can think on my feet.

So now, the problem is that I'm not sure if it's the jeans or my legs that are uneven. It's keeping me up at night. (Not really. Other things keep me up at night. Whether my legs are uneven or not hasn't really crossed my mind. Yet. At least not at night.)

I think there's only one thing to do. Wash the jeans again and see what happens. I can probably stretch out the one leg while they're wet if I need to.

I'm just scared they will come back out tighter on one side.