My Secret to Staying in Shape

Recently, I've learned that I have a lot of friends who run. I mean serious running, as in they have run half marathons. Now to be honest, I am quite impressed with this but I'm totally uninterested in this form of fitness at this point in my life. I'd much rather be reading a book than be running on a treadmill or outside where the neighbors could make fun of me. They have enough things to make fun of me for without adding fuel to the fire.


I'm lucky in ONE area of my life and only one. Right now I have bad hair, somewhat bad skin that is still acting young and breaking out - but starting to act old too and wrinkling (what's up with that?), a bad attitude, bad luck, semi-bad health in freakish ways that you could never tell by looking at me and chronically bad timing in a lot of ways.


The one thing I'm lucky in:

I haven't gained weight since high school. In fact, I actually weigh less than the number on my driver's license.

So, I guess I should count my blessings and appreciate it while it lasts. I did figure out the secret to my unexplained level of fitness. Are you ready for it?

High maintenance kids.


That's right, the little slugs are keeping me in shape while they loll around on the couch, asking for drinks of water and pencils to do their homework and anything else that catches their fancy. And I'm up and moving because I don't want them to get dehydrated or not finish their homework for lack of a writing utensil.

Now, don't get me wrong, they are not all at the same level of high maintenance. The little one is definitely the worst. The sheer amount of beverages and snacks the kid consumes in a day are monumental. And he can't reach to get them himself and that's the way I like it so far. He can't go to the bathroom by himself either. He's scared. So to toughen him up, I always make him start into the bathroom by himself. But I know eventually he'll need me to come in and keep him company or turn on the water to wash his hands, a practice that I firmly believe in. So he calls and I come running. And I count it as exercise. And it also fits into my schedule and doesn't require any special type of clothing.

So for now, that's my fitness regimen. It works. I'll stick with it as long as it's available and convenient.

There's only one problem, the little guy goes to Kindergarten next fall. Then I'll only be exercising half the time. And then the next year he'll be in school full time, so I might not be exercising at all during the day. Now don't get me wrong, I've been waiting for the day he starts school for quite a few years now, four to be exact. I'm just afraid that when I get them all in school all day I'll be so happy to have the house to myself that I'll just sit on the couch and read good books and eat whatever I want and not have any interruptions. And I also think that that will be the beginning of the end. I think the pounds might just start to slowly creep up on me. So I'm bracing myself for the inevitable.


I think I'll just try to enjoy being in relatively good shape until that happens. ( I guess there's always Alley, our high maintenance cat.)


But for now, would anyone like to borrow a high maintenance kid for a day or two to start your own revolutionary new fitness plan?



(Addendum, written the next morning: There are a few things I do draw the line at. Like when Austin wakes me up at exactly 3:40 in the morning, like he did today, looking for his red blankie and a drink of water WITH a lid. In the first place, I'm too tired to find his red blankie. I'm happy to get him a normal drink of water when necessary, but the lids are downstairs and I'm not willing to trudge downstairs, half asleep in the middle of the night for something so UNnecessary. He can drink his water from the open bathroom cup, which he can reach himself. Besides, I think I should be off-duty at 3:40 in the morning when it comes to unnecessary items. (Ok, so the red blankie is somewhat necessary, but he does have two of them and he was already sleeping with one of them, it was just the WRONG red blankie, according to him. It was the one that didn't smell good - meaning the clean one). So Hal took pity on him at 3:40 this morning. Did you ever wonder how Hal stays so thin?............)