For The Record

We have a pool table in our basement.

It's a pretty nice pool table I guess, I don't really pay too much attention to pool tables in general. You too can have one. Here is all you have to do:

First, your husband needs to get into an accident in a parking lot in YOUR car. (In our case it happened in about 1993.)

Second, please remember to ask if your husband is all right before starting to ask the tough questions.

Once you've established his general health and well being, be sure to ask if the accident was his fault. Be very, very happy when he assures you that it was not. (And don't let him see the look of surprise when he tells you it was the other guy's fault. He might take it personally.)

Next, start the long wait for the insurance check to come in so he can get the ugly looking front quarter panel in your car fixed.

Six to eight weeks later, when a pool table mysteriously shows up in your basement, take a moment to put two and two together. Now carefully form the words in your head before asking if this means in no uncertain terms that the car is not getting fixed any time soon.

Finally, don't be as upset as you would have been, because in the time it took for the insurance check to get to you, you will have had time to purchase a second car, which you will now be driving and your husband will be the one who will have to drive around in the car with the ugly front quarter panel.

(Also, don't make the same mistake we did and do this when you have small children. They like to throw the pool balls and have no sense of the pain it will inflict on you if you are sitting on the couch, minding your own business watching a movie and get beaned in the back of the head by a ball.)

Oh, and one more thing, in case you were wondering. Just because you own a pool table does not automatically make you a good pool player. At least it hasn't worked in my case. (But it is a nice convenient place to park the holiday decorations when they are in the process of being rotated.)