Perpetual Plan B

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Part 2, Read Last Post First.

Ok, so I need to update what happened after I closed the last post. The extra kids were getting really wild, so Hal decided to make a little campfire. I'm not sure if he thought through having the kids around fire and our pointy hot dog sticks.

Anyway, it kept the kids busy for a while. One of them fell and hit her lip so Hal held her for a while and then she fell asleep for about an hour. Unfortunately, she was the easiest of the kids to watch.

The other kids seemed to be entertained by the campfire.

That is until it began to rain. (If you're thinking that we have the worst luck, read on. One thing I've learned in my life is that things can ALWAYS get worse. And they did.)

We stayed outside for a while while it sprinkled lightly and then the boy had to go to the bathroom "Right NOW!" So I ran with him as fast as I could. And he seemed to make it in time. Whew!

I kept checking on him and he seemed fine so I went back outside where it was now raining quite heavily, to get the other kids inside.

When I got back in the house, not more than two minutes later, the boy was yelling. "I had an accident. I got poop in my pants."

Can I just state here, without being too graphic, that that is the understatement of the year. Yes, technically, it was in his pants. And on the floor, and all over the toilet - inside and out, and on the bathmat. It was one of those accidents where you just don't know where to start cleaning AND I still had a five-year-old kid, that I barely knew, dancing around naked with it all over his backside.

Can I also just say here that it's true, no matter how awful it is to clean up a mess like that of your own kid's, it really is a heck of a lot worse cleaning up someone else's kid's poop. (Let me also state here, for the record, that "poop" is a word that I couldn't even say out loud until I was potty training my third kid. - And yes, there is a story that goes along with that but it is almost as bad as this one. Now the word "poop" is practically part of my everyday vocabulary. A part that I'm not particularly proud of.)

Ok, so after cleaning up the mess and filling the washer with the dirty pants, bathmat, and other causalities of the bathroom (basically anything else in the room that could be washed, except the shower curtain), we got the kid put in his back-up outfit, which was his swimsuit. It had stopped raining, so the kids all played outside again. I had my girls stay outside to supervise.

I went back to the bathroom one more time to make sure I got everything as clean as possible. It was then that I noticed the interesting yellow pattern on my white shower curtain. And it was still dripping. The kid was pretty thorough. I wasn't thrilled about washing the shower curtain again since I had just washed it last week (the neighbor kid has bad aim). Let me just tell you right now that a white shower curtain and bath mat are NOT a good idea. (Ironically I bought them thinking that way I would know when they were dirty so I could keep them clean. That was BEFORE I had potty trained a little boy or had his "potty trained" little friends over.)

After starting the next load in the washing machine I went back outside to supervise the kids. About an hour later the boy got a funny look on his face and said, "I have to go poop again!", so again we ran to the bathroom.

And again he had the shooting diarrhea. I found out this time why it went all over like it did. The kid was literally standing on the toilet seat on his feet and then crouched down like an Aborigone. I told him to sit down but he didn't want to because he said the toilet seat was too cold. I put some strips of toilet paper all around the seat, which seemed like a good idea at the time, but when he was done I found them on the floor half soaked with urine. (Sometimes I say "pee" now, but I still don't like that word either.)

One unfortunate thing I also forgot to do when I cleaned the bathroom the first time was put away the bathroom cleaner. It was still sitting out on the counter, within reach of the toilet. Now it was being used as a weapon against me. The kid kept squirting everything with it, the mirror, the walls, but mostly me. Bathroom cleaner does not taste good, in case you were wondering. Next time I'll try not to yell when I'm un-arming a naked five-year-old with a fully loaded can of bathroom cleaner. I'll use the Ninja tactic and sneak up on him silently. (Oh boy, did I really say "next time"? There better not be a next time. I don't think I could survive it!)

So now the kid's swimsuit was also dirty. I had to get him a pair of Austin's pajamas to wear, which didn't make either one of them very happy. But we didn't have a choice, now did we?

Hal now had a pretty good excuse to call his friend and see how soon they would be back. It had now been five hours, about the time they said they'd be back. When he talked to them they were just barely leaving Salt Lake, so we had about another hour and a half. My girls both groaned out loud when they heard the news. That's when I started getting punchy. No sleep for a week and cleaning up someone else's kids' diarrhea will do that to you.

We got all the little kids rounded up in the basement, with the sick kid sitting in a sleeping bag in case of any other accidents.

After the parents finally came and got the kids I had to laugh when I walked into the house. Morgan was wearing her sombrero and playing the song "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang.

It was then about 9:00 and we decided to run get some cheap pizzas to eat for a snack, because I was not feeling like cooking anything and I was hungry. I made Hal walk in to get them because I really hadn't even combed my hair or put on any make-up all day because I kept waiting to get into the shower and didn't even get five minutes to do more than brush my teeth because people kept showing up at our house. I was still actually wearing the same loungy clothes that I'd crashed in the night before, that's how bad it was. I asked the kids for a hat or something to wear, and Morgan graciously offered me her sombrero.

My favorite part of the day was when we were all waiting in the car for Hal to come back with the pizza, and I told the kids that Hal's friend had put in his will that we would get to raise their kids if anything happened to him and his wife. Ally thought it was true and she made this sound, sort of like a sick cow. I let her believe it for a few minutes. Maybe now she'll appreciate the family she has. Actually, I think we ALL appreciate our little family more now that the ordeal is over. Austin didn't fare too well either because those kids played pretty rough and he's not used to that. I think he cried more this afternoon than he has the whole last month.

When we got home we were ready for the pizza. Somehow we always buy one pepperoni and one cheese pizza, though most of us eat cheese better. Ally, our main pepperoni eater looked at the cheese pizza and said in a sad voice, "Oh, it looks really good."

I told her she could have cheese and I'd eat pepperoni, which I usually won't touch with a ten foot pole. I didn't really care at that moment, I just wanted to eat. She seemed so grateful it was funny. Then Hal started to bless the food and I couldn't help it. I tried to hold back a little snicker. Then all heck broke loose as the girls both started laughing too. Hal finished the prayer and gave us all a disgusted look.

Now I'm off to take whatever kind of sleeping pill I can hopefully find in the medicine drawer. I've got to get some sleep tonight!

Rats! I just realized that nobody has bathed yet today, we were so busy, so now we will all have to take showers in the morning and try to be ready before 9:00. That means we will have to get up early. I almost wouldn't worry about being late, the way I feel, but Hal is speaking tomorrow. There's always something.

I hate 9:00 church, but not as much as I hate babysitting other peoples' kids. Maybe a good night's sleep will sweeten up my attitude.

Or not.


Katie said...

Oh Holly, I am so sorry!!! I hope this next week goes better!

Is there anything I can do to help?

rip said...

I know it was not funny, but I couldn't help but smile (and maybe giggle just a little.) Only because I have been in similar situations. I cannot stand other people's poop!

Royce said...

The babysitter that 'backed out' should be praising your name. Then again, maybe they backed out for a reason!