Austin (on the toilet, after being in the bathroom quite a while): "Blistering blue barnacles!" (He has been reading a lot of Tintin with Hal lately.)
Me: "Austin, you need to eat better food. Are you having trouble going potty?"
Austin, a minute later, still in the bathroom: "Can I have some fruit?"
(A few weeks ago he said, "No, I'm not constipated. It's just that my poop is a little sleepy.)
Disclaimer: I never, ever said the word "poop" without visibly cringing until after my third child was born. Now it seems to be an everyday occurrence, which begs the question; Do our lives really get better or worse after having children?