Perpetual Plan B

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The One Thing That May Just Land Me In "The Big House"

I have a confession to make. A really big confession.

I steal magazines.

Well, I don't really steal them. I kind of just "borrow" them.

Sometimes I even bring them back.

It all started one time at a doctor's office a few years ago, when I had to wait a really long time. By the time I was called back and then waited another big amount of time for the doctor to show up in the room I had started the book excerpt in the magazine. And then, when I was partway through, it was time to go. So I just took the magazine home with me. And I didn't feel bad about it at all. I had every intention of bringing it back, but I just never got around to it.

Well, a while later (probably at the same office) I again felt justified in "borrowing" their magazine to finish it. They were wasting my valuable time, I figured they owed me SOMETHING in return. And their magazines were usually old ones.

One day I was in the orthodontist's office reading a magazine and I ended up "borrowing" it. (It was for either another book excerpt or some recipes that I wanted to try. It's those darn recipes, they get me every time. I used to always try to write them down but it can take a LONG time to write down more than one recipe.) When I got home I realized that it was a brand new magazine. I felt so guilty that I made a special trip back the next week and returned it. I also left them one or two of my own magazines that were fairly new. (There used to be very few good magazines in the orthodontist's office, usually only sports and kid magazines. I was really doing them a public service by adding to their collection.)

Today when I "borrowed" a magazine from the doctor's office I took some time to ponder my criminal intentions.

I noticed a pattern.

I only take magazines (and feel somewhat justified in it) from doctor's offices where I don't really like the doctor. (Or maybe I'm actually angry with the fact that I am kept waiting so long EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. at these specific types of appointments.)

I have NEVER taken a magazine from my dentist or orthopedic surgeon.

I have only taken two magazines from the orthodontist and felt so guilty that I have taken at least one of them back (I can't remember about the other, but I do remember feeling guilty again) and actually added more magazines to their collection.

I have never taken a magazine from the clinic where I see the woman physician's assistant I usually see for any female-related issues, when I have been there to see her.

I have probably taken well over 10 magazines from the very same clinic waiting room when waiting on any one of the various actual doctors at that very same clinic. (And felt justified in most of those cases.)

Is there something psychologically wrong with me? Do I have a deep seated resentment that needs to be explored?

(Actually, now that I think about it, I've probably visited this clinic well over 100 times in the last 20 years throughout all the pregnancies (4), miscarriages (3), infertility treatments for a total of 8 or 9 years, post-natal care, biopsies, yearly check-ups, hysterectomy related issues, etc. )

I wonder if maybe I have a lot of pent-up hostility for being kept waiting so long for so many years.

Personally, I think they got off easy, losing a few measly magazines.

(Oh no, isn't justification the first step down that slippery slope that can lead to a life of crime? Somebody please save me from myself!)

1 comment:

The Gathering Place said...

That is really funny. I hate it when I don't get to finish reading a magazine, but I have always been too cowardly. Next time I have an office visit I will think of you.