Perpetual Plan B

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

"The" Haircut (Self-Inflicted)

I've been sitting on this story for while now, hoping I'd run across the photo to illustrate it. I'm actually wondering if my husband may have destroyed the evidence.

Anyway, it's too good of a story to keep under wraps, especially since it involves someone else's stupidity (oh, maybe to be politically correct I should say "poor judgment") and not my own.

First a little background info:

My husband doesn't like to go anywhere to get haircuts. He usually just hacks into his hair himself, which isn't usually too big of a problem. His hair is very wavy and pretty forgiving. The main complaint I have is when he cuts the back himself. It just never looks good and I don't want people thinking that I made him look like that. I tell him not to cut it without me, but sometimes he just doesn't want to wait if I'm not available, so he cuts it all himself anyway, even the back.

One summer, quite a few years ago, his sister volunteered to cut his hair while he was at his parents' house. (I wasn't there or I would have protested.) She cuts his dad's hair, so she is experienced and should have done a good job. When he came home though, I was not pleased. She had used clippers and just basically shaved his head. She had nearly shaved him bald. Bald is not a good look if you're skinny and don't possess a big head. It was not a good look on him.

Anyway, now here's the story:

One day in December in the late 90s, my husband started to cut his hair. He is always trying to get the sides as short as possible because his hair grows kind of "up" and "out" and not down, like most peoples' hair. I had recently bought some clippers to help get the back and sides even and make things easier. For some reason Hal thought the guard, even on the shortest setting, was leaving too much hair so he removed it.

"You need to use the guard." I told him.

"I'll be careful." he said.

I can't remember how much time we actually debated back and forth, but I do distinctly remember the muffled "Oops." he uttered a few minutes later, from behind the bathroom door.

I raced in to see how serious the damage was.

It was pretty bad, a totally bald patch of skin about 1" by 2 1/2" right on the side of his head. Not good. Especially since his hair is very dark brown and the skin on his head is not as tan as the skin on his face.

The next thing I knew, he was aiming the clippers at the other side of his head.

"No, don't do it!", I protested, "You'll do it on the other side."

"No I won't, I'm just trying to even the two sides up a little bit."

Sure enough, an even bigger bald spot on the other side.

This was during the time he worked at a bank as a loan officer and wore suits to work every day. He ended up wearing a baseball hat to work anyway. I wonder what the boss thought.

Here are two very funny circumstances that came about from this haircut situation:

Nate Webb was a customer at the bank and also sort of a friend of Hal's. Nate was at the bank one of the days Hal was wearing a hat.

Nate playfully hit at the brim of the hat, lifting it up a little bit and kept saying, "What's with the hat?"

Hal kept telling him to knock it off, and had to get rather serious about it. Nate called Hal the next day and apologized.

He must have had a peek at what was under the hat because he also said, "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were going through chemotherapy." (I still laugh when I think about this.)

Hal was also asked to narrate the Christmas Choir program in Sacrament meeting. He said yes, but when he hung up the phone, he remembered the bald spots. You can't exactly wear a baseball hat to church, and especially for the Christmas Choir program. That would not go over well.

He thought about calling the lady back and saying he couldn't do it, but what he ended up doing was taking a SHARPIE (yes, you read right, a Sharpie) and coloring in the bald spots on his head. His hair is not black, but it was close enough. From the pulpit you couldn't really tell.

Fortunately Hal has gotten a little better at cutting his hair over the years.

That, and I have a REALLY good hiding place for the clippers.


The Gathering Place said...

What a funny story! i love the marker part!

Katie said...

Oh my goodness - this story literally had me laughing out loud! I love it! (especially the chemo and sharpie parts! Too funny!)

Royce said...

I laughed until I cried. I tried to read this to Scott (he cuts his own hair as well, and has had a few 'oops' spots as well), but I was laughing too hard.!