20 Years Ago Today

Once upon a time.....

These two young kids decided to get married.

They had NO IDEA what they were getting themselves into.

(We got the engagement ring about a week before the wedding. Somehow it had slipped his mind. I kept waiting for a big surprise so I didn't really want to mention it. He has a strong aversion to jewelry so it wasn't really on his list of priorities at the time.)

Our wedding day, unfortunately, ended up being one of the worst days of my life. Up to that point anyway.

We've gone through some pretty awful things since then, so now it's not really the WORST day of my life. (That actually almost made all those bad things sound like a good thing, didn't it? See, I'm not always a pessimist.)

I had the usual amount of mishaps. (Seriously, is it just me? Nobody else has as many dumb things happen as I do.) Here are just a few of the more memorable ones.

The rest I've blocked out because it is too painful.

First of all, the engagement. I'm so glad we had a really short engagement - two months. I don't think our relationship could have survived a longer period of time. Even though it sounds romantic, being engaged is actually not very fun. My mom and I went out every night after I got home from work to look at wedding stuff and I actually lost a significant amount of weight, enough that my wedding dress had to be taken in to fit me. (I lose weight when I'm stressed. I think it's how I keep my girlish figure these days.)

Anyone else who got married in the 80s may recognize this dress. I think it must have been the standard issue from back then, puffy sleeves and all (and it didn't cost a fortune). It has actually held up well because my girls used it for dress ups for years and it has been stuffed in the trunk ever since and still looks brand new. - This is also after I'd found it in a back closet of my mom's house a few years after my wedding and it hadn't been cleaned yet. It was pretty dirty where the train had dragged the ground and also had mouse (or maybe my brother's hamster?) droppings along the bottom where the train had been folded up. I was terrified to get it wet but it cleaned up rather nicely in my bathtub.



The day before the wedding I went in to have my bridal portraits taken. It took longer than I had planned so I was going to be late for work. I rushed to my car and it wouldn't start. It was dead as a doornail. I called into my job (at LMC) and told them what had happened. I must have sounded really upset because my boss told me not to worry about even coming in at all if I didn't want to. (I didn't.)

That night, the night before the wedding, nobody who should have been helping (ahem, like my brothers and dad) was there, so my mom and I (I think Brett might have been there) hauled everything into the church and set most of it up by ourselves. My Aunt Cora and Uncle Deloy came and rescued us and really helped out a lot, bless their hearts. We got out of there at about 11:30 and I was tired and worn out.

I couldn't stay asleep (I never could sleep the night before the first day of school, so this is not a surprise), so at 2:30 a.m. I finally got up and started watching t.v. My mom got up at 6:30 that morning, which is early for her, and found me eating a bowl of cereal and watching Little House on the Prairie. I also remember watching an episode or two of The Brady Bunch and some other different old sitcoms. It's all kind of a blur at this point.

We made it to the temple on time and all the important stuff went off without a hitch.

At the end of the ceremony, as Hal and I were kissing each other over the altar in our temple, there was a distinct ripping sound. The sleeves that my mom so lovingly made for my dress (because it was short sleeved and I wanted long sleeves) ripped out because of how they were sewn in. All night at the reception after anyone would hug me, I had to keep stuffing the ragged ends of the sleeves back into my dress.


When we sat down for our wedding breakfast, (Why do they call it a breakfast? It's always in the afternoon. Also, they served veal, which is about the only food I'm somewhat morally opposed to. I didn't dare speak up at the time. I probably would now.) Hal pulled out my chair and I lifted up on the seat, which detached, and when I sat down all the little nails holding the seat to the legs went into my fingers. My brother-in-law, Paul caught the look of surprise on the wedding video (more on that in a minute). It hurt!


My cousin, who was supposed to sit at the book, decided the night before that she'd rather go out on a date with her new boyfriend. So, we rounded up another cousin in her place at the last minute (I'm sure she was thrilled). I don't know why we really even had to have someone sitting there. It shouldn't have been that big of deal, but I found out later that my mom was really mad.


During the photo session, one of my brothers (who shall remain nameless but his name begins with the letter T) called me over and said, "Don't smile with your mouth open, it makes you look really stupid." I'd had about 3 hours of sleep, I think that was the least of my problems, though now when I look at all the photos taken at the church I hate them. I really do look pretty bad. And pretty darn tired. I put on extra mascara before the reception to try and look better. In retrospect, it wasn't a good idea.

(This is also when my littlest brother, Brett, had discovered peroxide. His hair is not naturally that color. He was the coolest little kid. Not many eight-year-olds were creative like that back then.)

Now here's my favorite part. Are you ready for it?


When Hal's family, which is very large and has since quadrupled in size, finally all arrived (very late) and finally gathered altogether for a photo, my nephew, Alex, (who is on the far right in the photo, on his dad's lap) said "I don't feel very good." and then he promptly threw up. My dad actually ran home (we lived around the corner from the church) and got a can of Lysol and a bucket to help try and clean it up. All night long you could smell the stench of vomit because where Alex threw up was right in front of where Hal and I stood. I don't know why we didn't think to just roll up the carpet piece and get rid of it.

I think this photo was taken after we'd gathered for the second time, after the mess was cleaned up. I think it's a pretty good picture, all things considered.


All my new little nieces were the napkin girls, but their dads took them all home early, so after about the first hour nobody got any napkins. I guess we should have thought this one through a little better too. I think on our tenth anniversary, I let my girls do whatever they wanted with most of the leftover napkins. There's still one more package floating around somewhere.


By the end of the night I had had it. Hal hadn't really wanted a reception, but at that time the only people who didn't have receptions were pregnant when they got married, so I insisted on it. Boy, did I hate the entire evening. I'm not real big into making small talk with people I don't know and I was exhausted! After I changed my clothes I dragged myself into the hallway to wait for Hal and darn near fell asleep right there. Hal was happy though, this was his type of deal. (I'm not sure if I mentioned yet that we are polar opposites in practically every personality trait.)

To top it all off, though the day started out nice and sunny, there was a huge blizzard that started during our reception. All the poor people traveling from Tremonton had quite the adventure to get to Providence. It was a little tricky to get to our hotel that night, though it had slowed down considerably by then.

The worst thing that happened in relation to our wedding didn't actually happen until about a year later. I brought my wedding video home from Texas to show someone and my mom accidently taped Days of our Lives over it. (Please people, if you have important videos, remember to pull out the little tab!) I remember my father-in-law asking me about it another year later. He didn't quite get what had happened and kept asking, "You taped over your wedding video? Didn't you want it?"


Thankfully the marriage has been better than the wedding day, though we have had our ups and downs. You know what they say, "Life happens when you are busy making plans."


But, we've survived it all and here we are, twenty years later. We are both a lot tougher now - and maybe even a little bit battlescarred - than we were back then.


Happy anniversary Hal, and here's to 20 more, even better, years. (Though, hopefully less entertaining and a little more mellow.)

I love you very much.

Virtual Exercise?

I am sore all over. Really sore.

All over.

This is how it happened. You'll never believe it.

I had a dream about a week ago. In my dream, I ended up in some sort of commercial building area with frosted glass and a long, skinny foyer - like they have at our church. I pushed through the double doors, with a shopping cart, into the area - only to find a tiger. Instead of being smart and backing out of there and shutting the door, I fought my way through, keeping the cart between me and the tiger, and pushed him into the next room, also with frosted glass. Then I entered this room instead of being smart and slamming the doors and staying out, only to struggle to get the tiger through the next set of double doors. I then shut the doors and through the frosted glass I could see there was not only a tiger, but another big cat with leopard spots.

That was the end of the dream, as far as I can remember.

I had another dream a couple of nights ago. In my dream I started out at Bath and Body Works. A big, fancy Bath and Body Works. And it was Christmas time. I was trying out their new cream deodorant that came in a tub, like a body butter, hoping it would be strong enough to work for me. They also had really good food samples sitting all over the place, but somehow I never got to try any. (Is this significant to my life? I'm not sure. I'll have to look into it.)

Anyway, next thing I knew, I was pushing a shopping cart down a busy street. A big, yellow busload of school children went by (it was the middle of the night, so why were they in the bus? Maybe they were coming home from a game.) and they all looked out the windows and started making fun of me.

As if this were not enough, I ended up in some sort of commercial area that started to look vaguely familiar.

Sure enough, I was at the same place as the dream from last week. What is really strange is that I started saying to some guy who was there with me in the first vestibule, "Wait a minute. I've already had this dream. This is what happened to me last week." He wasn't really listening and he was no help at all with the tiger. In fact I think he ducked back out of the first set of doors once I started going the rounds with the tiger.

Again I struggled to maneuver him with the cart through the second set of doors and on through to the last set. (And even in my dream I found myself wondering why I didn't just slam the doors and back out of the first two sets.) And, again, just like before I could see the tiger and the leopard through the frosted glass at the end.

What does it all mean?

I have absolutely no idea. All I do know is that I hurt all over. I'm sore in muscles that I didn't even know I had.

This has only happened to me once before that I can remember. About 15 years ago I had a dream that I was playing soccer. I ran up and down the field, kicking and heading the ball (and playing much better than I ever did in real life). I also remember going out of bounds to throw the ball in over my head many times.

I was sore from that episode for days. I remember my abs hurt like they had never hurt before from hurling the ball over my head.

I kept thinking that if there was only some way I could figure out how to be able to do this all the time, I'd never have to exercise again.

This time I'm thinking a little bigger. I want to figure out how to patent it so I can teach OTHER people how to do it and make my first million. I'd say that's multi-tasking at its finest.

Plus my other bright idea got developed by someone else.

When I was a kid I kept saying, "If only there would be a way to put shortening into one cup sticks, like butter. That's how I'm going to make my fortune."

Well, anyway, someone else did it and my life is much better because of it. Thank you, Crisco.

In closing, if anyone is able to take my idea and run with it, all I'm asking is for a small percentage. And a free membership for life.

Unless there are tigers involved. If that's the case, I might not be interested.

A Great Way to Start Your Day (Unless You Are This Guy)

I made pumpkin muffins the other day.

They were mighty tasty, even if I do say so myself.

The kids loved them too.

Until we ran across this poor little guy.

None of the kids would eat him. They all felt sorry for him.

So I had to be the one to put him out of his misery.

I didn't feel a bit bad about it.

A Fairly Clean Joke

I'm sorry but this joke just makes me laugh. I guess it could be a little offensive, but there are a couple others that are a little worse that make me laugh too. I may post them later, if I don't get any fallout from this one. Please feel free to let me know if you are offended.

Why is Santa Claus so happy at Christmas time?

Because he has a list of all the naughty girls.

Building a Better Burger (2009 Version)

There is one thing we all love here - hamburgers.

There is also one thing I don't love to fix - hamburger patties. But I have learned over the years a thing or two and it has evolved and changed along with our family.

Here is the new, improved, convenient version:

First off, I can't stand the plain hamburger patties you buy at the store. BUT, if someone were to invite me over for a hamburger and serve them, I would gladly eat one and not even complain about it. That's one of my good qualities; I never (well, hardly ever, I'm sure I may have done it once or twice) complain about something someone else is doing that makes my life easier, like not having to fix dinner myself that night.

So, it's homemade hamburger patties for us at home. This is also a problem since I can't stand to touch raw meat with my hands. I have this thing about meat germs, like the bad kind of e-coli ones from beef and whatever it is that you can get from chicken (is it salmonella?).

I have recently discovered the joy of using disposable gloves, which makes things so much nicer, especially with ground meat dishes like hamburgers and meat loaf or meatballs. I even unintentionally found a great way to get them for free. You just walk up to the nice man behind the meat counter and ask, "Will you sell me some of those gloves you guys wear when you handle meat?" and, if you're lucky, he will answer, "I can't sell you some, but I can give you some." This is how I ended up with a whole box of 25 pairs of the little beauties. The meat counter guy said they are too small for them, but the small/medium size fits me just great. It will also last at least a year or two, because if you make big batches, how many times a year do you really make hamburger patties or meatloaf or meatballs? (I always make at least a triple batch and freeze the extras.)

Ok, so I used to chop a whole bunch of onions to mix in, but one day, when I was in a hurry, I just used the dehydrated onions you can buy from the dry pack cannery (or food storage places, or wherever). To hurry and reconstitute them and give them some flavor, I soaked them in some Worcestershire sauce. I use maybe 3/4 c. or so, dehydrated onion in a really big bowl, and however much liquid it takes to fully cover it all.

Next, I throw in an egg to hold it together a little better, but you can skip this if you are squeamish about eggs. I happen to like them, or at least the idea of them, but only if I can't taste them. (I know that probably doesn't make any sense but it's true. I like scrambled eggs, but only if I can't taste the egg, so I put lots of cheese, salsa, etc. in them.)

I also throw in some barbecue sauce, maybe 1/2 c. or more, for good measure and a little oatmeal if I feel like the kids need a little more fiber, which is most of the time. Next, if I have any pureed vegetables in the freezer or somewhere I might sneak in about 1/2 cup of either zucchini or chopped carrot or whatever I have. I've even done butternut squash or sweet potato baby food, which is really good in sloppy joes. You really can't taste it at all. You can also leave this out if it freaks you out.

Now, don't forget the salt and pepper! (Add about 1 teaspoon salt and 1/2 teaspoon pepper per pound of meat.) I forgot to add them once and my poor family had to suffer through a meal of hamburgers and two meatloaves. You can NOT fix this later so don't get sidetracked like I did!

Now mix it all together and put on your gloves and add in 4 pounds of lean ground beef. Use your hands and really mix it up as quickly as possible, bringing the good stuff up from the bottom of the mixing bowl. Try to mix and shape them fairly quickly because the more you handle the meat, the more chance it will crumble and fall apart on the grill. (At least I think I read that somewhere and the fresh ones I did today seemed pretty crumbly. I've never had any trouble with ones I've frozen)

Now here's my best tip.

When you are shaping the patties, poke a hole in the middle of them. This helps it get cooked all the way through and it will practically close up as it cooks. I can't remember where I read this, but it really works. I also like to shape my patties pretty thin so they get done all the way through (again, think e-coli). Also, make them fairly big around, like 5 or 5 1/2 inches, because they will shrink up.

You can freeze any extra patties by cutting waxed paper into squares and then lining a big cookie sheet with them. Cover each square with a patty and then more waxed paper. If you use two sheets between patties it's easy to separate them out and get only two or three or however many you need at a time. Freeze on the cookie sheet for a few hours or overnight (or two or three days if you forget, like I do sometimes). Once frozen solid, put in a big freezer Ziploc bag to store until you need them.

Once you are grilling the burgers, (Please don't fry them in a pan. My mom used to do that when I was a kid and I hated hamburgers back then) I like to season mine with Montreal Steak Seasoning. You can just buy it at any grocery store. Mine is McCormick brand. It's also good on chicken and lots of other things.

This is how we do burgers at our house these days. If you have any other suggestions, I'd like to hear them.

(I would have posted a picture here, but we ate them too quickly.)

Friday Bonus

Here's an extra photo, in honor of the first Favorite Photo Friday.

It's one of my favorites from our wedding, which was 20 years ago, next week.

This is my husband with his two clean cut brothers and three of my five monger/rocker brothers. Kendall was on a mission then so he isn't in the photo and Brett was the "gift boy", so they didn't include him here because he wasn't in a tux. Brett's hair is worth seeing too, so I'll have to post a photo with him in it next week (or when I get around to it) when I post some old wedding photos.

Favorite Photo Friday

For a long time now, I've been planning on starting a regular blog post every Friday featuring a favorite photo of mine. I've especially been excited about this since I figured out our new scanner is wireless and I can scan something and send it upstairs to the computer in the dining room, which is the one I use regularly.

I don't know why I can't post a photo on a Tuesday or a Saturday, it just seems like it needs to have a cool name for the title and "Favorite Photo Friday" sounds better than "Yet Another Random Photo".

While this sounds great in theory, I just always somehow forgot to actually post any photos on Friday. (I also find this rather strange, since I'm a left-brained sort of girl. Aren't we supposed to thrive on schedules or routines or something? Of course since I've had kids I think even the good (left) side of my brain is shot. My kids have taken to calling me "the goldfish" because supposedly they have about a three second memory capacity. Or something like that, I can't quite remember.)

So, without further ado, here is the first photo.

It's a little something I like to call "Aliens took the girls who were supposed to be folding our laundry".

(If you look real close, or click on the photo to enlarge it, you'll notice that Ally is actually wearing Teletubby underwear on her head. I thought she'd appreciate me pointing that out.)

And Another Thing....

Something you may have noticed, if you've read this blog much, is that I have posted most of our funny or embarrassing stories.

What you may not know is that for all the ones I do post, there are still others that I haven't, sometimes because they are of a sensitive nature or too embarrassing for the general public.

If you don't believe this, just say the words "sound princess" to my daughters and see what happens.

(Unless they've learned to control themselves better than I have. I tell you, if I had a dollar for every time I've burst out laughing at an inappropriate time, I wouldn't be sitting here writing right now. I'd be out sailing on a yacht somewhere.)

Dear Readers:

By the way.....

Thank you to the four people who regularly comment on this blog. I really do appreciate it. You always have such nice things to say and it makes me happy whenever there is a new comment.

Plus, I really do like to remember who is reading this so I don't get too outrageous in the things I say. I think I have offended the church ladies more than once.

I really am sorry about that!

Also, last week an old friend commented on how she reads this regularly. I was shocked and had no idea she even knew about it. I've also had someone else that I hardly know, out of the blue, comment in person about something I'd written on the blog. It was rather surreal.

Of course, to be honest, I have read a lot of blogs, off and on, for a long time and felt too embarrassed to comment, especially on the ones that I don't really know, thinking they'd be mad I read their stuff or that I'm intruding into their lives, etc. So if you don't like to comment, I really do understand.

But.....

Now that I have my own blog, I get it. It's nice to know people care. So, if you feel so inclined, comment away. Even just leave a quick "Hi." so I know who all really does check in once in a while. Even if you don't really know us.

Plus, if I know you're reading this, I may feel inclined to post a story about YOU. (Or not, if you know what I mean.)

(I actually do have one great story from Jr. High that I really must post soon, because it's so awful. I need to check in with the other party involved, because I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to use fake names to protect the innocent - and the not so innocent!)

A Ghost of Halloween Past

"Elvis and Priscilla", alive and well in 1993.

.

(This is an actual prom dress made and worn by my sister-in-law in the 70s. Also, there is a washcloth stuffed underneath my hair to keep it up that high. I may or may not have used it to wash my face the night before. I'll never tell.)